Why Holidays Feel So Hard

If you find yourself bracing for impact every November, you’re definitely not alone. High-achievers often hold so much for others—mentally, emotionally, and energetically—that the holidays tip the scale. Between meal prep, family tension, and food shame, your nervous system is doing a lot of behind-the-scenes work.

What’s a Window of Tolerance, and Why Does It Shrink?

Your Window of Tolerance is the nervous system’s capacity to handle stress without getting stuck in fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or shutdown. And during the holidays, that window narrows:

• Less sleep
• More emotional labor
• Increased exposure to triggering food dynamics and family patterns

But I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again and again: Your body isn’t broken. It’s wise. It’s responding exactly as it’s been trained to under pressure.

Triggers at the Table

Holiday meals can feel like emotional battlegrounds. Here’s why:

• You’re likely surrounded by people with differing values around food, bodies, or lifestyle.
• There’s often commentary—direct or subtle—on how much you eat, how you look, or what you’re doing with your life.
• You may be masking, performing, or managing the emotional temperature in the room.

And that’s a lot for any nervous system to hold.

Before You Sit Down: Pre-Dinner Regulation

The best time to regulate is before you feel activated. Try:

• A 3-minute breathwork session in the bathroom
• Sensory anchoring (hold something warm, press your feet into the floor)
• Somatic cue-checking: “What do I actually need right now?”

When Family Pushes Your Buttons

Here are a few nervous system-informed responses to challenging moments:

• Comment: “You’re going back for seconds?”
  • Somatic Response: Ground through your feet, soften your jaw
  • Verbal Response: “I listen to my body, and it’s still hungry.”
• Comment: “So, are you seeing anyone yet?”
  • Somatic Response: Touch something grounding (napkin, water glass)
  • Verbal Response: “I’d love to talk about something else—tell me about the book you’re reading.”

After the Feast: Gentle Grounding

Overeating isn’t always about food—it’s often about trying to regulate. Instead of shame, try:

• A walk or stretch to reset your physiology
• Lying down with one hand on your heart, one on your belly
• Journaling or voice noting what felt hard or beautiful

You Deserve Spaciousness (Don’t Argue. You Do.)

Holidays don’t have to feel like survival mode. With the right tools, you can move through them anchored, attuned, and self-honoring.

Want to expand your window of tolerance year-round? Start with the Presence Map.