From Shame to Safety: Nervous System Tools for High-Achieving Women

You’re the woman everyone counts on. You hit deadlines. You show up. You don’t drop balls. But inside, the voice is still there: “You’re falling behind.” “You could have handled that better.” “Don’t get too comfortable.”

If you’ve tried mindset work and affirmations but still feel stuck, this post is for you.

Self-Talk Is Not Just Mindset

Here’s the truth no one told high-achieving women: Your inner dialogue is shaped by your nervous system’s sense of safety. And if your body has never felt truly safe to rest, soften, or just be — no amount of journaling is going to fully rewire that inner voice. See our last post for more details.

Body-Based Affirmations (that actually work)

Most affirmations feel fake because your body doesn’t believe them. Try these somatic affirmations designed to land in a female nervous system:

1. “I can soften without losing my edge.”
2. “I don’t have to be perfect to be powerful.”
3. “My value doesn’t depend on my output.”
4. “Rest is repair.”

Say them with a hand on your body. Let your breath move slower. Let the words become felt. Save the ones that feel expansive and land fully, and ditch the ones that don’t.

The Shame → Safety Loop

Most high-achieving women move between two states:

1. 😰 Pushing (hypervigilance, over-efforting)
2. 😴 Crashing (shut down, guilt, isolation)

The missing link? Repair. When you repair your nervous system through co-regulation, boundaries, pleasure, and attuned support, your self-talk softens naturally.

The “Rewire Ritual”

Try this daily for 1 minute:

Rewire Ritual

• Hand on your heart.
• Close your eyes.
• Whisper: “What do I need to hear right now that no one else is saying?”
• Let the first phrase rise up. Or maybe it’s a visual, a sensation, an impulse.
• Honor whatever shows up while breathing slowly.

Let your nervous system receive that new truth.

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

Rewiring your self-talk isn’t about working harder but about working with your body.

If you’re ready to stop performing your way to peace, and instead build nervous system safety that rewires your relationship to food, rest, and achievement, this is your invitation.

I have a few spots open for 1:1 coaching next month. We’ll map your stress patterns, soften the critic, and build the kind of self-trust you can actually feel.

Apply here to begin.

You don’t have to be hard on yourself to be successful. Let’s find a gentler way forward together.